One Year — Special Tribute to David Hall — Husband, Father, Friend to All

I thought my ocean of tears would lessen as time passes without David by my side.
How wrong I am. This ocean grows without warning me. There seems to be no off
switch. Everything surrounding my life still reminds my heart of the hugeness of my
hurting. My living today so foreign to all I know. Each day comes anew with
unexpected remembering of my life with David. These past weeks of breathing just as
hard to live as those first few moments 12 months ago when David went to his heavenly
home. Nothing I hear, see or read eases the pain I now walk with daily. Nothing I do,
nowhere I go changes the path I now travel. My reality stares me right in the face every
moment. Each step forced forward without the same joy in my heart. This is the human
side of my present surviving, but not my hope –just temporary all this. For I realize my
Savior holds me now tighter than any other time in my life. His promises true– His
peace real– His love sure. In my change of living as I wrote many times to you last
year—through everything I trust in God my Lord and Savior. These tears must come—
great love requires much crying.  This is a part of my healing, a part of my peace. All I
know and believe still firmly implanted in my soul I draw from every moment to
continue to live until my name called home. I try to strain my brain countless times to
envision David in Heaven. I know him so well. A part of my soul now dwells with him
and in my hardest times of existing here I can smile for my heart sees his abiding in his
new home. Suprising peace engulfs my hurt. My longing today the same as when I was
a child– to serve the Lord with all my mind, heart, and soul until I too walk hand in hand
with my Savior. To see Him as does David now face to face my hope and desire. Being
held closer to the heart of God is my peace. I am not as strong as David, but I continue to
follow my Lord walking this journey with Him by my side. I expect this ocean to
overflow. I expect God to be my strength through every tear. Many before me and those
with me now know this pain carried in the shadows of my heart always abiding just
beneath the surface of my busy living. My sadness many have experienced. How to do
this not known to me yet? Maybe this ache will always be hanging just above my reach,
but what I do understand more than anything else is our life is short live large. Live
every second, do your duty as David would say, never fear, God leads– you follow, His
hand is in yours, there is hope, you can live in peace. This is not our final home. My
missing David a precious part of my living now and the memories of our life together
push me forward making the hard times bearable. I listen in the silence around me and
hear David’s voice telling me how much he still resides with me in my heart and in our
children. I can see his smile in our grandchildren. I can hear the huge plans he makes in
their lives lived before me. I can feel his love left in my heart and mine he took with
him. Yes, tears flow—this part of my living today as my ocean overflows and my hope
looks upward. When I am at my end God is always holding me.
As David said to me one year ago “God is always right.”
I have put those words on David’s stone reminding me forever who God is and who I am.
My ocean of tears reveals my hope knowing “God is always right.”
My Ocean of Tears Reveals My Hope.
~Phyllis Hall
October 11, 2011

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