For the past decade, KGB-analyst-turned-political-scientist Igor Panarin has been steadfast in predicting that the United States will break up some time in 2010.Until a few months ago, nobody paid much attention to Panarin, in part because the post-America map he drew up is more or less insane and includes such demographic obtuseness as putting South Carolina with Massachusetts instead of Georgia. But now, with the economy and the tea parties and elected officials screaming “secession,” Panarin’s views are gaining new legitimacy.So, for the sake of pitting sections of the U.S. against each other, let’s say it does go down like Panarin claims it will. After the jump, a bigger picture of Panarin’s map, and we give his new nations proper names and presidents. Feel free to do the same, or hurl insults at regions you don’t like, in the comments.

Origidom (Atlantic America)
Population: 95,802,372
Capital: Washington, D.C.
President: Hillary Clinton
This most densely populated of the new nations would contain an awful lot of insufferable NPR-listener types who always want to tell you the best way they can spend everybody else’s money. It’s also almost a return to the 13 original colonies. In both cases, the odd inclusion of West Virginia, Kentucky and Tennessee helps to screw that all up completely.

New Bethlehem (The Texas Republic)
Population: 72,165,932
Capital: Houston, Tex.
President: Jeb Bush
On the one hand, this would be the new nation least likely to teach evolution in schools. On the other hand, without the stable teat of the wealthiest federal government in the history of the world to suck on, good time cities Miami and New Orleans would quickly digress into a modern-day Sodom and Gomorrah.

Plainsland (Central-North American Republic)
Population 73,011,012
Capital: Minneapolis, Minn.
President: Evan Bayh
While we’ve already established Panarin had no idea what he was doing when he drew this map, as luck would have it he managed to stick the 15 most boring states in the union together in one autonomous region. Panarin suggests Plainsland would eventually become part of Canada — and it probably would — although no one would even notice.

Pacifica (California Republic)
Population 60,456,537
Capital: Sacramento, Calif.
President: Arnold Schwarzenegger
While Panarin seems to think this one would join China, given its population it is more likely to look to Mexico. It is also loaded with white folks who are mainly concerned with saving non-human things and maintaining their ocean views. And then there are the Mormons. And Vegas. Even as part of the U.S., it’s wonder this region doesn’t implode. Nice scenery, though.

Note: While it’s true Panarin actually has the U.S. splitting into six regions, we like to operate under the assumption that Alaska and Hawaii don’t really exist.